i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do vagina's smell?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
