you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
