If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
