You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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