and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Randomize
