Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
