So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
soo... how was my night?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
