All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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