Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
