So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also, beer. Big fan.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
