why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
