he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
