Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish you could order shots online.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
