Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
