Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
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He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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