I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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