i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
