It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people are starting to question the shark bite story
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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