Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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