I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
