:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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