I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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