break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How does one acquire holy water?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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