You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
