I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
