Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
bring money and cleavage
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize