I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
