It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
