forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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