my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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