Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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