I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
