before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
