I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We are two peas in an std pod
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
