i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
