im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Liz is crying about burritos again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
