Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
