I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't turn off my feet"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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