we're blogging at a bar
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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