I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
