Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
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He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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