I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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