If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
