We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i barfeds in our rink
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
