Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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