just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
