Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
