can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize