dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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