do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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