The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
