he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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