i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
