I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
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I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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