You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
