WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
