Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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