I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
