Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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