you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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