And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
