we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
two words...techno handjob
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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