She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
