You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
