youre lurking in front of me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
