I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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