she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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