i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
