i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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