My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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